There Are No Words

"There are no words"

My imagination conjures up synonyms…synonymous to how I feel
Words befall me
Two halves equaled a whole…. Meaning my whole heart when you were born
Fears and doubts drifted down the river of uncertainty
Love is overused, love is simply not enough
God kissed me in my dream and shined his light on my life
When you were born
My tunnel vision was blinded by your beauty
My aspirations lit themselves on fire just to please you
3 days of labor…unspeakable pain
Was a blur of the journey to make you mines forever
Skin shedding from non-mother to mother
Inner spirit peaking with pride that God chose me!
I was the one to love you forever…. My Christmas and birthday gift wrapped in a eternal bow
I was reborn when you were born
The mirror became a stranger because I only saw a mother…glowing
My thoughts became consumed by hopes and positive energy
I truly understood what it meant to be a woman that day.
I love you.

Lust

Lust

My lust for you buoyed as my anticipation simmered
Champagne and you was all I craved for at dinner
My dirty imagination turned me into an instant sinner
If it’s not about your body, I neglect to remember

All rules were bent and all wrongs became right
But none of that mattered to have you for a night
Your kisses made me sail the tip of the highest kite
Your scent, so alluring my bottom lip I’d suck and bite

Not sure if it’s a love jones or just old fashioned lust
But this aint no typical little school girl crush
I feel like that 'Totally Automatic' song
You make my systems go down
I don’t want you later, nigga I need you now

Discretion is out the window
I can no longer ignore
I want to straddle you on my bedroom floor
Scratch me, bite me even pull out my hair
Scold me, fight me nigga I don’t even care
Rip them off or just pull them to the side: my underwear

Bind my body to a tree, or blindfold my sight so I can’t see
It makes no difference to me
I just want to lounge in your ecstasy
I’d gladly be a vampire just to suck on your blood
Because you make all my erogenous zones flood
And that’s from simply giving me a hug......
I could ramble on forever about this monster crush
But I’ll stop now….Goddam. Janxy hush….

Ghetto Therapy

“Ghetto Therapy”

Some choose to pay handsomely for the opinions of strangers

It’s easier to confide in them because lose words aren’t in danger

Mouths are complicated puzzles… tailored made for each individual

To bluff you out of your muzzle I had to pretend I was being less critical

For countless hours I listened, hand firmly rested on chin

I clung to your every sentence my ears over clogged by your sins

You’re a man of such high stature with many flunkies at your disposal

But you were easily captured by the sweet nothings that I told you

Sitting in a lawn chair casually swigging on your drink

From across the room I stared giving no hints of what I think

About the crevices of your soul that you've poured into my cap

Your spirit is riddled with holes

And your heart and conscious do not overlap

The beauty of your face has turned your humility into a disgrace

I tried to study your case but it seems your morals have been misplaced

But I’m just your audience listening, not getting paid by the hour

As you speak your symphony your ego is gently being deflowered

You no longer hold the power…..

I’m not a trained therapist, can’t give a medical determination

My motives are mysterious and I’m giving my resignation

Effective immediately

Because you lie and use too greedily

Please don’t try to plea with me my services are no longer free

Moody

Moody

Some write about happy moments... that shape their pretty worlds
Sorry I have to tell you, I’m just not that type of girl
I delve into the under layers of thoughts about my life
Like making bad decisions… And not thinking about it twice
Wishing I didn’t do things, instead of the beauty of what’s done
Regretting past transgressions but not relishing battles I’ve won
I ponder difficult concepts and love to reflect upon their embers
This is the type of process that keeps my mind state limber
When love isn’t going great and when everything is out of place
It’s easier for me to translate my simmering internal earthquake
I love when flowers start to droop or when I forget my censored parachute
The down side of life gives me strange reasons to want to salute
It would be much easier to write about beautiful sunny skies
Or how he makes me happy, but I’d rather dissect his lies
Or how last winter he made me cry
Words about difficult subjects seem come to me on the fly
I’ve noticed this pattern... of dark and moody words
They gather inside my head like a flock of circling birds
Waiting to be fed
Or at least get outside of my head
The birds are like my words and when they’re released that's when they're fed
I’m the kind of poet that appreciates to solemnest of the shade
Not marching in the parade, where beautiful words are bound to cascade
But I put up no charades... when you look over my body of work
One observation could be made.. I write my best when I am hurt.

Hearts and Jokers

Hearts and Jokers

Three months of coyly prancing a delicate game
Oh why did I start this emotional runaway train?
I’m not into calling and always ignored when you did
Used techniques like stalling but you crept through my head
Mostly at night while laying in bed so the bedroom I dread…
The confines of my life leaves little room for me to play
I think it’s just rude that you live in the opposite way
You keep your carefree on display, to you it’s always a sunny day
Your environment is relaxed with friends and hangers on
You walk through the room and people mob you in throngs
It’s definitely hard to ignore your seductive siren song
These types of men I usually give the cold shoulder
But you penetrated my skin so you deserved the once over
So I opened my folder….
The dueling continued but I became bored with your flair
You ordered from my menu with a double side of care
All I can say is how dare...
I regrouped and pondered how to stifle this spark
To snuff out this fire before it set ablaze in my heart
And I always swear I’m so smart…
So I toiled in the background, kept eyes planted on the floor
But you thought that was profound and enjoyed my demure
Your such an emotional whore, you make the lust in me soar
But you never would know this because I pretend you’re a bore
This book is still being written we’re only on chapter three
But the love bug has bitten and has infected my glee
Oh la la we we! See what you do to me? This man and his charms has set an emotional grinch free.

'Phat Flava'

This is actually a rap lol. Dedicated to my Big Girls. This is original copywrited material from janxybaby aka justjanxy.

Big thick eyebrows and an open smile
Skin be so soft, it drive boys wild
Chubby cheeks and big girl breasts
You know we cum hardest when it comes to sex
Thighs be rubbing and feet be aching
We give good lovin' for goodness sakin'
Love me handles and dimpled asses
If you can't handle watch this chick keep passing
Ribs from down south or a New York Deli
Drips from my mouth just to fill my belly
I may be thick but in all right places
Dudes stay whipped like bubble gum to braces
My pants be 16 my shirts be xl
Since I was 15 old heads could not tell
That I was a youngbuk with a woman's body
I don't give a fcuk cuz I'm still a hottie
Tongues stay waggin' and eyes stay focused
Dudes be under my spell like hocus pocus
To all size 6 chicks please don't sleep
Cuz your dude's beside me on his late night creep

'Shatter'

I heard a glass shatter somewhere down the hall
I think... why does it matter?
When you're ignoring my call
I saw pictures of someone so far from my past
I think... where did they come from?
Burnt memories are now ash
I came far from the distance
Back up to the light
Our eyes glanced for an instant
Then evaporated from sight
I heard a glass shatter
Broken pieces of life
I think... why does it matter?
As I lay restless at night

Bewitched

'Bewitched'

I for whatever reasons… thought I could out maneuver
Figuring out sneaky ways… just so you wouldn’t pursue her
Uttering pretty words and performing thoughtful acts
At first it seemed upsurd but they truly did distract
I had your rapt attention with all my noisy ways
Ignoring the tell tale symptoms; our love was dying in the shade
I knew that you’d grow weary of my trickery and deceit
But life without you seemed scary, I couldn’t handle the agony of defeat
I marveled at owning your mind but I truly preferred your heart
Because the heart is weaker and more easily had
Our situation grew bleaker you was slowly ending our fad
But I wouldn’t go lightly, I crawled and I scratched
I dreamt of you nightly while you were semi-detached
I had very little leverage, the scales were leaning her way
I thirsted for your beverage just to quench another day
I felt my heart would burst if you decided to walk away
But instead of walking away, you decided to taunt and to tease
I stayed above the fray but our love still turned diseased
Could you ease up on me please.....

Resolution Redo

Before 2010 started, I had a lot of glamorous resolutions. Of course I have my core resolutions and they haven't changed but my perimeter resolutions kind of unfolded on it's own. December 31, 2009, I had no clue that in just one month into the new year I would resolve to find a new "side hustle". A side hustle briefly came across my radar last year but I hadn't given it much thought. Two of my friends are flourishing in their side hustles, one is a baker and the other drives taxi cabs. The income they are generating from their side hustles got me to thinking.... I know I love to write and it's something that's easy for me to do and I'm currently exploring different ways to profit from my writing. I do have a book in the works and I really need to stop procrastinating. But the perfectionist that I am won't relinquish control. (I'm a work in progress). I have a music producer friend who wants me to "ghost write" for a few of his artists. Newsflash: I used to be a "rapper" and I still have skills. He and I discussed a few collaborations but so far *crickets*. Well he is a busy man. I can always take my services elsewhere. I haven't really explored other ways of side hustling. I plan to brainstorm and try to find the right thing or things to do to earn residual income. Another resolution that occurred to me after the ball dropped on New Year's Eve is changing the way I respond to people. Due to certain situations that happened last month I decided to listen and observe more. By listening intently and not interrupting (even though it's hard) I'm learning a lot about the person who is talking and noticing things I might've missed if I wasn't paying such close attention. I'm learning physical, mental and emotional things about people just by observing them more closely. I'm not talking about giving a once over, but by really taking in the whole picture of the person. The funny thing is that I'm also observing myself and my subconscious actions/behaviors. It's interesting.... Maybe I will do that double major and pick up that Psychology degree. Right now I'm on the fence, but the view is getting clearer. This pretty much sums up my resolution redo.

Logical poem

Disclaimer: This poem is more about opposites attracting and simple facts. I'm not using the word "Logical" in a literal sense for all instances. This poem is an original copywrited poem by justjanxy.


Logic

Logically speaking, things are supposed to make sense
Like, if you have a heart then it's beating
Doesn't take much to convince.

But the logics of life doesn't always rang true
To be more concise, lets discuss me and you

I had my mind set on having fun with a toy
Now I have little regrets because you bring me joy

But logically speaking, we shouldn't be
It's just not logical sense;
Like a branch belongs to a tree
Or you open a door with a key
Those are examples of true logic to me

I'm straight as an arrow, my tunnel vision's a determined sparrow
You on the other hand, lead the life of a pharoah
Carrying your woes in a heavy barrell

1+1=2, the opposite of dawn is sunset
if you own an animal that makes it your pet
These are all logical if I am correct

Logically speaking, sweetie we shouldn't mix
I'm slow and methodical and you like a quick fix
Your voice almost a whisper, mines is loud and defined
Your such a great listener, my attention span's blind

We met on a whim, a blind date by two frivolous friends
Sometimes love defies logic and I hope we never end.

2009 Lights out!

This is a short overview of every month of the year. I didn't reveal everything that happened. Just the things I thought were worth mentioning.
January: I can't think of anything that happened too crazy last January. I was still in school and was very restless. I remember meeting a new male friend downtown. Very artistic and nice.
February: I remember spending Valentine's Day with my old crush and we had fun! Until I found a Valentine's Day card stashed behind his dresser from someone named Phyllis?? I never asked him about it though....
March: My daughter's birthday party was a huge success and she was very happy. I also went to a friend's birthday party and shut it down. It was soo much fun lol. I wore this cute dress I bought from a second hand store. I also ignored a few frenemies that night. Looking good is the best revenge.
April: My old crush and I started having some issues. I think we stopped talking for a while. I had finally started talking to a male friend after a falling out in December. I was nearing graduation at school and was becoming very restless..
May: Nothing particularly special stands out for this month. I went to see my old crush for his birthday and we had fun! Until he went under his bed and pulled out an Oozie! Ummm can you say buzzkill?? He quickly put it away when he saw that I wasn't playing any games with him.
June: I graduated from school this month. Had a joint birthday party with my friend Charlie. I remember arguing on my cellphone that night. With who and why?? I don't remember. Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett died this month.
July: Block parties, fun with my kid all summer. I also met my new crush this month. Things with my old crush ended bitterly. *kanyeshrugs*
August: Nothing in particular stands out.
September: I was prepping for school and filling out a lot of paper work. I enrolled my kid in pre-k. I remember feeling happy that summer was FINALLY over. I also went to a FaceBook party with my cousin. I didn't know anybody there but my cousin knew EVERYONE. She's why I'm not on FaceBook.
October: Was excited about starting school, Phillies were in the World Series and trick or treated in the misty rain with my daughter. It was worth it though.
November: Holiday season started. I had an argument with someone important. I remember having to control my temper. A ride home almost turned into a major regret. My intuition kicked in. Steve is a noodle #random. A major change happened in my life.
December: My crush came back to Philly, all hell broke loose. Christmas was beautiful. Christmas Eve was a nightmare. My daughter fell in love with these annoying twin doll babies. I'm super excited about 2010. I have a lot of plans and goals to achieve.

Etch -A -Sketch Poem

I just love this poem. I wrote it seven years ago! This is copywrited work from Janxybaby. And now I share it with you.

Etch- A- Sketch

You drew me with a crayon
And grasped the roundness of my face
The shirt I wore was rayon
It's amazing how you capture every trace
Sketches of my memory
Are perforated to the page
It's shocking how you mimic me
Through painted lines that show my age
You used a bounty of colors
In different textures of brown
There's no adjective that can cover
My aura and all it surrounds
The likeness of my mother
Was caught like the lense of a camera
The red and gray colors fought
To reflect my true inner stamina
Your portrait of me
Was soo much more than an average picture
You drew my inner light
With a fire of unwavering flicker
To see a mockery of myself
Through the hands of a learned teacher
I can't explain how I felt
When I saw the portrait of this beautiful creature.

Friendship.....Handle with care

Well the holiday season is upon us and it just wouldn't be the same without the trauma and dramas that comes along with it. Lately I've been thinking about friendships and just how fragile they really are. I'm currently going through a cold war with a certain friend. We had a dissagreement and the next thing I know a month passed and we still weren't talking. Why she choose to take this path I don't know. But I knew that I was right and she was wrong and because of that, I wasn't budging. She recently made contact with me and I'm prepared for us to have one major conversation about our dissagreement and then bury the hatchet. A friend.... I mean a true friend knows when to let things go to forgive and forget. I don't throw things in people's faces because I know how petty that is. A real friend doesn't do such things. I know she's eager to fill me in on her life. I can only imagine the traumas and dramas she's experienced over this past month we weren't talking and me likewise. And like a friend.... I mean a true friend, I will listen intently reserving judgement and only occasionally giving my opinion when it's requested or direly needed. I received a frantic phone call from a different friend last night. She's been having a lot of difficult life issues lately and we spoke about the issues a few times, just light surface conversations. But I knew there was a tornado coming my way. She wore a pretty mask and put up a good front about her problems. And like a friend...... A true friend, I didn't push or pull her to open up to me. I was able to see the cracks and crevices in her mask but was determined not to go any further than she wanted to. I knew I had to step back and handle the relationship with care. The tornado finally touched ground last night and it was a hell of a tornado she unleashed on me. But like a friend.... I mean a true friend, I held her hand in the storm and reserved judgement and tried to use the whole ten percent of my brain power to help her. I told her to stay strong and never give up faith. Her situation is bleak at the moment, but like a friend...... A true friend I continued to find the rainbow inside her storm. Now that I'm in my thirties I have matured, checked my ego, realized that jealousy can be tamed, and friends come in all shapes and sizes. Every relationship must be handled with care. Regardless of the box it arrives in.

Janxy

Love resume

Lately I've been pondering the prospect of evaluating love the same way as evaluating a job. If you're qualified for a job, you should at least be able to get an interview. Same thing with dating, if you share the same goals with a potential mate, you should at least qualify for a date. I guess what I'm trying to say is, there is no true "scientific" way to pick a mate. Yes, I understand the dating websites have their 'success" rates, but if dating websites "scientific" process was so great, how come internet dating isn't the Defacto way to meet someone? Just because a person "looks good" on paper and share common goals with you does not mean that will translate into your perfect mate. Love and dating have a lot of intangibles that can't be pinned down. You may find yourself attracted to a person for reasons totally unrelated to their "paper resume". Just because "on paper" a person should be a perfect fit for you doesn't mean it's true. The deciding factor in love matches comes down to one thing: Chemistry. You might meet and fall in love with someone at the bottom of your love resume pile. Simply because that particular person had one thing that the people with "great" resumes didn't have. Chemistry. There will always be a certain segment of folks who will marry for stability or religious reasons. For a lucky few, the resume of their mate will match the chemistry and it's a match made in heaven. Some people will bypass the chemistry part for the sake of stability. Only each individual knows which route is best for them. But for me chemistry will win everytime.

Giddy heart

This blog is dedicated to anyone who has a special friend that makes you feel happy inside. It may not even be a special friend, it can be a pet, a movie, tv show etc... The point I'm trying to make it that having that giddy feeling can get you through the day, just that sudden burst of thinking about that particular person can serve as a spark to motivate you. I know someone made my heart giddy today and I was in a way better mood because of it. Most days this particular person worries my socks off but today was all smiles and giggles. It's important to have these people or things in our lives. When I'm reading a good book I intentionally leave it home so that I can rush home to read it.I think all day about the possible twists and turns the book may take. Having something to look forward to is an awesome feeling. It's like a pocket full of sunshine. We live in a world of instant gratification and we HATE waiting for anything or anyone. Delay gratification for a few days, you'll appreciate things more. I know I have. No need to post an uberly long blog today. Just wanted you guys to think about the person or thing that makes your heart giddy.
Janxy.

Leftover Feelings......

I wrote this poem a little while ago. I was in a stormy relationship with a young man and things were getting crazy! I had to remember who was the "mature" person in the relationship and regain control. But it was way too many mind games and I finally had to get off of the roller coaster. This poem was my letting go. Let's just say it was a fling that lasted waaay too long!

Young Man

Hey young man, won't you put away that gun.
Stop playin wit that trigger, cause to you it's just fun.
You had to point that barrell, in the direction of me.
Like cupid with his arrow, you showed no mercy.
I have to confess, i liked playing wit your gun.
Until it let off two shots, and know i am shunned.
I was raised not to play, wit those black shiny things
Two shots in the heart, one two bang, bang.
You have perfect aim, and your stance is just right
Then you hide on the rooftop, looking for fresh prey at night.
Hey young man, won't you put away that gun
Stop playin wit that trigger, cause to you it's just fun.
That weapon is dangerous, you need a license to carry
It's shrapnel is hazardous, soo many hearts that you bury.
I was your victim, and i wish i could forworn
All the girls of the symptoms, that your heart has been scorned.

Hey! Young Man

This poem was inspired last spring. I know a lot of people may have felt this way about a person. Enjoy!

Young Man

Hey young man, won't you put away that gun.
Stop playin' wit that trigger, cause to you it's just for fun.
You had to point that barrel, in the direction of me.
Like cupid with his arrow, you showed no mercy.
I have to confess, i liked playing wit your gun.
Until it let off two shots, and know i am stunned.
I was raised not to play wit those black shiny things
Two shots in the heart, one two bang, bang.
You have perfect aim, and your stance is just right
Then you hide on the rooftop, looking for fresh prey at night.
Hey young man, won't you put away that gun
Stop playin' wit that trigger, cause to you it's just fun.
That weapon is dangerous, you need a license to carry
It's shrapnel is hazardous, soo many hearts that you bury.
I was your victim, and i wish i could forewarn
All the girls of the symptoms, that their heart has been scorned.

Blogging Virgin!

Hello world! Welcome to my Blog! This first blog will consist of things I hope to accomplish with my blog. I want to be able to fully express myself and talk about issues that are affecting my life. I am a poet and I hope to display some of my work on this blog.... As a matter of fact, I'm going to post a poem now... *Disclaimer* This is an original copywrited poem by Janxybaby. Not all men lack emotional chips. Just a few of them. Enjoy!

"Emotional Chip"

This is a subject many females just cannot resist
Men, and their perceived missing "emotional chip"
Made in the perfect form of muscles and strength
But when it comes to men's feelings
It's made at a much shorter length
Beutiful eyes, great bone structure and such
But men fail to recognize the importance of a women's touch
Men will break your heart then go party with their friends
While women sit and cry with no beginning or an end
If I were a boy, like Beyonce once said
I'd never play women like toys or ever fuck with their heads
This is a great mystery, why do men seem to not care?
To all the women I feel your sympathy
And all the pain that you bear